What's In A Poll

Ask the right question and what do you get?

This just in! Latest poll shows inmates at State prison are 99% in favor of freedom! (Margin of error 0.001%)

(Ed. Note: During a slow news week, we interviewed our native consultant and healer, Yo'Doc, to ascertain his views about various topics, including ridiculous polls. Our report is presented below in its entirety.)

Ed: Thanks for granting us your valuable time for this interview, Yo'. Must feel unusual to be on the "other end", so to speak.

Yo': Other end of what?

Ed: Well, you're the interviewee instead of the interviewer, that "other end". Get it now?

Yo': Oh.

Ed: (Nervous now) OK, here's your first question. The folks at AARP put out a newspaper, and in it they reported on the results of a poll they took of their members. The question was (basically) were they unhappy with the failure of the US Congress to pass a "drug bill" for Medicare recipients. It seems that the members of AARP were overwhelmingly mad at the politicos for this failure, and they promised to "do something about it" at the ballot box come November. Can you give us your comments about the accuracy of such polls and why this one came out so lop-sided? Should the members of Congress be afraid of AARP? Is this fair? Hmm?

Yo': By my count that's four questions, Bubby! Your technique needs polishing.

Ed: Come on, now, give me a break, I don't do these things customarily. So take the four questions and answer them one by one, your royal nit-pickiness!

Yo': OK, number one, why bother to ask a question when you already know the answer? Those people at AARP headquarters knew their members would vote almost unanimously in favor of more goodies. Their "poll question" was more like a revival preacher shouting, "How many of y'all want to be SAVED?"

Ed: So you think the poll was accurate but, well, stupid?

Yo': Hold on there, that's five questions and only one answer so far. Number two was about how much politicians fear a group like AARP. The answer to THAT one is, "Like they fear the devil himself." (More revival talk.) Old guys tend to vote regularly, pretty much as often as the law allows. And they are like that guy Titler said, ready to "vote themselves largesse from the public treasury" any time they get the chance.

Ed: That seems like behavior that could be called smart or greedy, depending on which side of fifty you find yourself. What do you think about that?

Yo': Six, but that's OK, since it's time to answer number three, which is about the same subject, the fairness of it all. The short answer is, "No, it isn't fair, since there are millions of citizens who get nothing from the government for healthcare." Plus, adding more money to an overheated drug delivery system is going to increase costs for everyone.

Ed: Do you have any ideas about controlling prescription costs?

Yo': As a matter of fact, I do, and by some strange coincidence, they are identical to those expressed in one of your earlier columns about managed care! The goal is to reduce demand, by using fewer drugs, and always only those which are known to be effective. Never use a new expensive one when an older cheap one will do just as well, and ignore the fancy advertising. Don't allow patients to take medicines longer than is absolutely necessary.

Ed: So you think the answer to the prescription drug "crisis" shouldn't come from Congress?

Yo': What kind of a softball question is that? That's almost as bad as AARP asking its members if they want the candy in a small bag or a bushel basket. Of course I don't think that Congress should be the source of all blessings. Those people are so politically motivated they couldn't pass the mustard without having a committee meeting even if your hot dog was dying for lack of it.

Ed: Wow, that's some analogy. Did you think that up just now?

Yo': As a matter of fact, no. I've been saving it up for just the right moment. Seemed like hot dogs and mustard just fit right in with talk about politicians.

Ed: That about does it for me, I think. You've expressed yourself clearly, and our readers appreciate clarity.

Yo': You never got the answer to question number four. Remember? Hmm?

Ed: There is no answer to "Hmm?" is there?

Yo': Not in the real world.

(Interview ends since tape unfortunately runs out.)