Litigation Is Dangerous

Sometimes it's better to turn the other cheek.

The following series of articles appeared in the Shaman Sentinel newspaper during January and February last year. Their abstracts are reprinted here with permission from the SS editor in chief, Conjuring Cal. (Our apologies for the length of this report.)

Jan 5: "Revered native healer and consultant Yo'Doc sued for malpractice"

According to papers filed by attorney Derrol Snerdley in the county courthouse this week, a former patient of Yo'Doc is claiming actual and punitive damages in the amount of ten million dollars. In a brief meeting on the courthouse steps, Snerdley was quoted as saying, "He said he was going to make her cold better with a mud-laying ceremony, but it went sour. A micro-massage facelift for which she had paid $3250 (Twelve sessions at Dot's Beauty - Massage - and Vitamin Emporium) has totally come undone. She can't go to bridge anymore without a heavy veil." Snerdley also stated. "This isn't all about the money, it's the insult to my client's image!"

Jan 6: "Yo'Doc responds to charges"

Responding to charges of malpractice filed against him this week , Yo'Doc responded firmly, "My attorney has advised me not to respond."

Jan 6, late edition: "Attorney reverses previous statement"

In a stunning reversal of his former position, attorney Derrol Snerdley stated that he "must have been out of my mind when I said it 'wasn't all about the money.' Of course its all about the money, as my colleagues in the trial lawyers group so eloquently reminded me the moment your paper hit the street."

Jan 7: "Local attorney missing; moderately foul play suspected"

Derrol Snerdley, a local attorney famous for his staunch advocacy of patient rights, has been reported by his wife to be missing. "He's been missing for just ever so long," she was reported as saying. Snerdley's latest target, the native healer and consultant Yo'Doc, had no comment concerning this mystery. He said, "I have nothing to comment about at this time." Authorities suspect foul, or at least semi-foul, play.

Jan 10: "Missing attorney found in 'less than fair' condition"

A group of bird watchers seeking the rare desert warbler near Why, Arizona, this morning stumbled upon a most unusual scene. There, in a four point stake-out in a dry wash, was (previously) missing local attorney Derrol Snerdley. One of the birders, Gladys G. said, "It was such a surprise. I mean, we hadn't had any luck all morning, and now this! Well, I never!" The unfortunate victim, clad only in a breech clout, was covered with butterflies, all of whom were feasting on a thick, sweet-smelling material smeared on Snerdley's skin. Another birder, Sarah P., thought she could "identify the butterflies as monarchs", but had trouble keeping focused. According to EMT personnel summoned to the scene, Mr. Snerdley kept repeating the phrase, "I take it all back - he's really a sweetheart of a man!"

Feb 1: "Local shaman charms pre-schoolers"

Native healer and consultant Yo'Doc revealed his charming (as opposed to 'charmer') side today, when he attended a session at Mrs. Goodpasture's Pre-School. The kiddos were delighted when he showed them his collection of butterfly queens. Equally astonishing for the little tykes was his revelation that he could invoke mass swarms of the queen's subjects by using a concoction that looks and smells like melted hore-hound. He said, "This stuff drives 'em nuts! If they were to land on a person smeared with it, they could tickle him into a coma!"

Well, let me tell you, this reporter, just like the youngsters, was really impressed!

Feb 7: Headline: "Noted trial lawyer Derrol Snerdley burns law-license on street corner. Hundreds observe without intervening."