Healthy Choices

Should I eat this piece of pie or not?

With apologies to no one, we present the Yo'Doc Table of Relative Values, Healthy Living Division.

(Our example is a child, born naturally of normal parents, who will themselves live to age 80, presuming they continue their current healthy lifestyles. They have, however, become advocates of "natural" as they have grown into adulthood.)

Age 0 to 15: Parents fail to complete any immunizations because they have heard they are "risky." Child succumbs to meningitis at age 5.

Age 15 to 20: Child escapes preventable contagious diseases, but takes up drinking alcohol and driving without a seat belt. Expires in auto accident at age 19.

Age 20 to 30: Fortunate enough to escape the foregoing disasters, young adult now engages in risky sex behavior and uses IV illicit drugs. Dies due to AIDS complications at 29.

Age 30 to 50: Amazingly, our example doesn't fall victim to any early bad habits but begins smoking cigarettes in earnest - a pack and a half a day, in spite of the cost. Develops emphysema, lung cancer, coronary artery disease, peripheral vascular insufficiency, carotid artery obstructions, and starts having small strokes. Dies due to multiple causes at precisely 50 years of age.

Age 50 to 70: What if our example didn't start smoking, and avoided all those other things? Well, let's just say he manages, but is stupid enough to become a couch potato, gains 75 pounds on Krispy Kremes and nachos, develops diabetes and high blood pressure, plus coronary artery disease. He then expires, remote firmly in hand, of a heart attack, age 69.

Age 70 to 75: Whoa, what's this? Our specimen avoids the pitfalls of indolence and food excess, as well as all those other hazards to his health, but begins to freak out over his stock market losses, and commits suicide at age 74 on the day before the market begins a huge bullish run.

Age 75 to 80: What if our guy was so dumb he never invested anything, and lives pretty much day to day on his Social Security plus help from three very wealthy but penny-pinching children? But, he negotiated the pitfalls in the road and the shoals of disaster in the river of life, and now----And now---!! At age 80 he develops a fondness for hard margarine and anything else containing large quantities of "trans" fatty acids. And what happens? Nothing! That's it - zip, nada.

Age 80 to ?: Somewhere between the 80s and the 100s, bag of chips in his lap, driving to one of his son's house, he remembers he hasn't let the dog out for its daily run, and PICKS UP HIS CELL PHONE to call a neighbor to release the pup. Thus distracted, he drives his pick-up off quite a high bridge. The resulting fall is recorded by three passersby who are driving along with their video cameras on and ready, hoping for a spot on the evening news. Actually, what happens is that all three follow the old guy over the edge when they take their collective eyes off the road to get the best shot. Indeed, they ALL end up in a big spot on the evening news and an even bigger spot on the floor of the canyon below the bridge.

Everything is relative and risks have a way of changing with the circumstances we encounter.