A Visit To The Gym

Where bodies are made and then broken.

Those of you who have been fortunate enough to see the famous healer and native consultant, Yo'Doc, realize that he takes a backseat to no one in the body department. It is obvious that his is the result of a lifetime of good habits.

Thus it was somewhat shocking to learn that he had spent time at a gym, perhaps looking for body "improvement". We have a report on this development from a correspondent who was under deep cover, concealed in a large medicine ball.

Gym Greeter: Welcome to Bailey's Fitness Center and Ripped Body Institute! How may we help you, sirs, and may I say you've come not a moment too soon!

Yo'Doc (through interpreter, of course): Keep your voice down, will you? Only one of us is here on business, the other is just a facilitator (pointing, somehow, to who is which). Now, can you show us some samples of what you do?

GG: I surely can. Now you just have a seat right there while I get out our astounding before and after photophile (heh heh, little joke there). Ah, here it is. Now, what sort of result you have in mind? Incidentally, pay no heed to that sort of grunting noise coming from that alcove over there. Got some special case seniors working on the dropped buttock syndrome.

Yo' (Looking at photos): I rather like this one here, this one with the blonde pony tail. Think I could ever look like that?

GG: All except for them little bitty bumps up front which may indicate this one is female, sure you can. Just twenty minutes a day on each one of our specially designed Nauti-Flexo-Nordic apparatus stations and you're there in no time. 'Cept for the beard, of course. You gotta take some steroids to get the beard look, which if you did, you'd probably end up bald with skin like a teenager, but not to worry, we got experts in our massage and facial plastic section which can fix up those little dings in nothin' flat! Have you rollin' outta here a NEW person!

Yo': I don't mean to sound hyper-critical, but you sound like a used car salesman.

GG: Was once, before I got this gig, but that's all in the past. This here's my life now, and I love it. Even took some of my own medicine, so to speak. I'll show you, right here: my "before" --- and my "after"!

Yo': Which is which? Both of them look like a giant kielbasa with a belt. Right straight out of Milwaukee.

GG: Gotta look close. See, there, that one right there on the right. It's not quite so bulgey in the rear section. See it?

Yo': Oh, I see it now. It looks like someone cut a little wart off the sausage, doesn't it? Well. Quite remarkable. How much would it cost me to get what you had?

GG: That's the good part. Our introductory special this month, three times a week, any machine, unlimited sweat-replacer, reserved parking right in front so you don't have to waste any energy getting here, just $699, cash or credit card. Time payment option with your good credit.

Yo': Seems to me I could do just as well by raking my yard, carrying out the trash, and walking to work every day, and I'd get paid for that! What am I missing here?

GG: It's the camaraderie and the ambience, plus the chance to show off your bod to everyone else here.

Yo': What about those seniors over there with the dropped you-know-whats? Ever show them off?

GG: Oh, we never let them out of that room. It has a separate entrance and exit onto the alley. We don't want them to spoil the business.