Silence Is NOT Golden

by Mary Stafford PhD

Victims of sexual abuse are still not getting our full support

In this guest column, we'll be talking with Dr. Mary Stafford, from the Division of Psychology in Education at Arizona State University, whose area of expertise is school psychology.

Dr Tom: Mary, many of us believe that victims of sexual abuse are most likely to be young girls. Is this true?

Dr. Stafford: It isn't true that when we think about sexual abuse we should immediately think about girls. Statistics consistently indicate that about one in every four girls and one in every six boys experience sexual abuse during childhood. I believe boys are less willing to speak of abuse for fear of defying society's definition of what it means to be a boy: strong, virile, not whiny, etc. Because boys are less likely to report such abuse, we tend to think of boys as not being subject to sexual abuse.

DrT: Then boys may keep the secret longer?

DrS: That's correct, and it may be due to their belief society will reject them if they tell. That more boys are now willing to "tell" is a good thing for them and for society.

DrT: Some have suggested extreme punishment as a deterrent to child abuse. Castration has been mentioned, in public if possible.

DrS: I'm sure that some who have experienced sexual abuse might think that castration may work better than anything we're doing now, but it isn't likely our society would tolerate such a draconian measure.

DrT: In spite of our extensive communications system, there are few good government sources of information and help for victims of abuse. Is this due to the influence of any particular group?

DtS: It is unfortunatley true that there are many whose conservative religious beliefs won't allow their children to be exposed to any material whose content is remotely sexual. This argument is usually given in the name of parents' sole rights to expose children to any moral information, but the attitude seems to express their doubt that widespread abuse exists, or if it does, it is often the fault of the victim. Thus, they don't want their taxes to support this form of education.

DrT: But "sexual abuse" isn't really about sex, is it?

DrS: No, certainly not about sexual pleasure. It is about power and aggression and hostility. It's an act of hostage-taking.

DrT: So why can't we talk openly about it, government, churches, all of us?

DrS: A discussion in any forum of coping in the aftermath of sexual abuse is likely to be perceived as helpful by the victims, and as an inappropriate, disgusting, and shameful discussion to those who have not experienced it. Parents, of course, make the ultimate decision as to whether their children will be "exposed" to such material, helpful or not.

DrT: Can parents be part of the problem rather than part of the solution?

DrS: Certainly. They are often caught up in their own adult conceptualization of what constitutes appropriate or inappropriate sexual behavior and information and who should discuss it with children or how it should be presented. I am not speaking against parent's right here. I am only pointing to a problem when the choice to communicate information or not results in some important information not being available to some children who desperately need it. Ultimately the losers are the children who experience abuse and don't have parents knowledgeable (or caring) enough to get help for them.

DrT: I hope you aren't pessimistic about the future.

DrS: I believe we've come light years in the last 30 years in terms of our understanding, discussing, and helping children cope, yet we seem to remain in the dark ages in terms of our ability to protect children from abuse and our willingness to openly discuss this important topic.

DrT: Mary, thanks for you help, understanding, and ideas about this terrible problem. We'll be glad to put you on a soapbox anywhere, anytime.

DrS: I'll be there.