Bad News Is Bad News

YoDoc snags an important interview.

In the latest column from Dr. Tom it was erroneously reported that Estelle Lamborghini sustained a hip fracture while dancing at her 90th birthday celebration.

Upon reading this, Estelle contacted our news staff requesting an interview to help "set the record straight." As Dr. Tom was occupied with pressing matters relating to editing this site, Yo'Doc was dispatched to meet with Mz. Lambo. He filed the following report:

"When I arrived at the convalescent center, I was ushered into Mrs. Lamborghini's room by an assistant administrator who admonished me to 'be gentle with Estelle - she's had a hard couple of weeks.' I told her that 'gentle' was my middle name and pulled up a chair at the bedside. After greeting the patient I was astonished to realize how attractive and vital she appeared. Mentioning this to her led to a dismissive wave of her hand, and a 'Let's get on with it, sonny!' The interview commenced.

"Me: Our information was that you were injured during a celebration of your 90th birthday. Is that not correct?

"Mz L: Not correct, right. (Ed Note: Sort that one out!) The deal was this. I was working out on my new birthday-present trampoline, one of the new models with lots of spring. It was on a Tuesday, and my usual staff spotters were all off duty that day, so I had to enlist some of the other residents to do the job. Most of 'em are adequate, and one, Sammy LaBada (that's where you guys really messed up - you said I was 'dancing the La Bada' - hah!) has done it for me lots of times.

"Well, there we all were, me warming up and bouncing just to get loose, and the spotters paying more or less attention based on their medication dose that morning, when I decided to open with one of my best moves. It's a triple twist with a double somersault thrown in, which some guys were doing on skis during the Olympics.

"Me: Sounds difficult. Weren't you a bit apprehensive - after all, most 90 year olds have bones like the ones you find in canned salmon.

"Mz L: Not me, buddy-boy! I never smoked, still got my ovaries for all the good that does, take a few Tums daily, and never used steroids. Scared? Never.

"Me: So what went wrong?

"Mz L: Oh, a couple of things, one of which was I got a bit too close to the edge where Sammy was stationed, and the other was he disappeared when I needed him most. Well I'll be, here he is now. You can ask him what happened.

"Me: I most certainly will. Sammy, can you fill in the blanks here?

"Mr. LaB: Sure I can, and by the way I feel awful about this. See, I was only sort of ready to spot, and it always makes me kind of nervous, all the responsibility so to speak. Anyway, I was adjusting my upper plate, and ALL my teeth fell out, When I bent over to pick them up I lost my glasses, too. To make matters worse, my walker got tangled up with my legs and we all went down in a heap. That's when I heard sort of a whistling noise behind me, followed by a thump. Last time I heard that sound it was like, 'Duck and cover - incoming!'

"Me: Goodness, what a mess. What happened then?

"Mr. LaB: Well, the assistant administrator called 911 and we got poor Estelle out of there and to the hospital and they did something, patched her up, and sent her back here. See, here she is!

"Me: I noticed that. Is that all of the story?

"Mz L: That's about the size of it. Worst thing is I've lost my trampoline privileges for two months. Some doctor, looked about 19 years old, grounded me.

"Me: What will you be doing until you can, uh, bounce again?

"Mz L: Sammy and I are working on a design for an Olympic 'half-pipe' for people in wheelchairs. Those kids sure seem to enjoy it. Boy can they fly! I can hardly wait to try it.

"Me: Mz Lamborghini, you're too much!

"Mz L: You got that right.

(Interview ends approx. 11:15 AM)